It is important to establish boundaries with not only what but who you give your time to as you heal and go through discovering what it means to live in the wake of loss. There will be a plethora of advice, people trying to relate and-though they have good intentions-they will never be able to understand the vastness of your emotions. These rituals provided a guidepost for me when I needed it most.īefore getting started, I would like to remind you to do whatever feels right for you as an individual. They did not erase the pain, nor do I think they ever will because that pain is rooted in a deep irreversible loss. These grief rituals have given me a semblance of routine and connection to my son. Kids still needed to be fed, needs needed to be met and the everyday life of society was rapping at my doorstep. I was still a mother of two other children and a wife. Despite my loss, time never stopped for me. These rituals for me were not based on religion but had social and cultural influences.ĭue to the sudden and unexpected nature of my son’s death, I was in no way prepared to face the realities that we would suddenly be subjected to. Norton and Francesca Gino, behavioral scientists and professors at Harvard University say that, “Although the specific rituals in which people engage after losses vary widely by culture and religion-and among our participants-our results suggest a common psychological mechanism underlying their effectiveness: regained feelings of control.”Īs someone who has experienced the debilitating-and at times overwhelming-effects of loss, I can personally attest to the positive results that I continue experiencing from performing my own grief rituals in the wake of my 3-year-old son Legend’s passing. It is thought that rituals performed after loss help aid in the healing and coping of extreme loss.

Make an Annual or Commemorative PilgrimageĮventually, most will move on in some form or another to return to their lives, to fall into new or old routines and though they will always carry sadness the initial paralysis that accompanies loss can subside.With a loss for words to express the feelings then how may one express the deepest parts of their grief? Jump ahead to these sections: Words can fail to express the enormousness one feels in the wake of losing a loved one. Grief throughout has moments of being so overwhelming that it numbs the mind and body while at times succumbing one to deep catatonic states.

Let grief be a fallen leaf